How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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