Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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