as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
