toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
