I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
