Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
