Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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