now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
