Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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