I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
