Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
