I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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