remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
