Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
