I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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