my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
