i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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