do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
