Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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