Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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