I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
