forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
