ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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