Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
