its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
