i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
