Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize