I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
