just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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