Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
