You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
