it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
