Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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