when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just pee around me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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