this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
