you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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