Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
