she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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