It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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