it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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