His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
