Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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