Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
