You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
