At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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