and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
