he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
