i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize