11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
