How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
