Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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