I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wear drunk well.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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