I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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