Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
