Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
