did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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