Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
