My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
