and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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