am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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