I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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