i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
