Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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