They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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