I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
