This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
